In the vast tapestry of life, there are moments that catch us off guard, unanticipated and transformative. Such a moment came to me as I embarked on a journey of self-discovery. I found myself entangled in the intricate task of balancing my roles as a parent to Andreas and Olivia, planning for an upcoming holiday, and nurturing my relationship with Mandi, all while managing the demands of work. Little did I know that what lay ahead would be nothing short of miraculous.
Unexpectedly, Andreas made a decision that would change the course of our holiday plans. He announced his intention to spend the holidays with his mother. I had previously shared my plan to retreat to TerraLuna, our family farm, for the holidays. The catch? TerraLuna meant a serious lack of technology, a prospect that typically doesn’t sit well with a teenager. So, when Andreas chose to stay with his mother, I assumed it was a victory for technology. But, as Stoicism had taught us, life rarely has just one variable, and this decision would lead to profound realizations.
In the aftermath of Andreas’ unexpected decision, my emotions swirled. Initially, I exploded with frustration, but then Stoicism’s teachings crept in, and I began to contemplate. Amidst the turmoil, I had several realizations in rapid succession:
Andreas’ Independence:
- Andreas was willing to spend time with his mother, marking his first independent choice in over 11 months.
Opportunity for Self-Inspection:
- The additional time available could be channeled into self-inspection, a crucial aspect of Stoic growth.
Olivia’s Influence:
- Olivia, our younger child, would likely follow her brother’s lead, reinforcing the importance of this decision.
Ilze’s Progress:
- Ilze, would have a unique opportunity to showcase her progress to Andreas, fostering family unity.
TerraLuna Retreat:
- I could still embark on my planned TerraLuna retreat, despite the change in circumstances.
Alone Time for Mandi and Me:
- Mandi and I would have over a week of cherished alone time, a rarity in our lives for the past 11 months.
Validation of Stoicism:
- Through these unfolding events, I couldn’t help but recognize that Stoicism was at work in our lives, guiding our responses and decisions.
The whirlwind of events took me by surprise, and my reactions, as well as the subsequent manoeuvres to seize the opportunities presented, might have made me appear hasty, lacking a clear plan. But within this apparent chaos, Stoic truths began to emerge. I gradually understood that “amor fati,” the love of fate, is not just a concept but a tangible reality. It becomes attainable when one embraces a Stoic way of life, particularly in moments when meticulously laid plans crumble.
I observed Andreas’ growing willingness not only to reconnect with his mother but also to seek validation of the Stoic values he had begun to embrace. When questioned about his choice, he offered a simple yet profound response: he wanted to see if his mother had changed and whether they could find common ground. To me, this decision resonated with the Stoic principles we hold dear: Wisdom in seeking understanding, Courage in facing potentially challenging situations, Justice in giving the relationship another chance, and Temperance in his measured approach. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride.
A deeper realization gradually dawned on me, not on that particular day but as I pen down these thoughts. The Stoic parent, I realized, is never ill-prepared for life’s twists and turns, and the Stoic child emerges from these experiences stronger, fortified by the valuable lessons the world presents. In my journey of aspiring to be a better version of myself each day, I’ve witnessed personal growth not only in maturity but also in becoming a more peaceful and less rebellious individual.
As life continued to evolve and change around me, I noticed a shift within myself. I no longer felt the pressing need to overthrow and dismantle everything in my path, a tendency I once had (Note: “used to”). Instead, I found solace in accepting fate as it unfolds. With this acceptance came a profound transformation: my capacity for genuine love blossomed. I seized the opportunity to rekindle not only my love for Mandi but also the love I held for myself. Through this journey, I shed the burdens of inadequacy and welcomed a newfound sense of peace.
The Stoic values and principles I’ve embraced have offered a unique roadmap for parenting, living, and loving like no other. Through this journey, I’ve stumbled upon one of the universe’s most profound yet often overlooked secrets: true happiness springs from the harmonious balance of peace and love.
As the initial shock and amazement of the significant changes in my life settled, I found myself at the conclusion of a week-long journey of reconnection at TerraLuna. It felt almost too soon, yet, in retrospect, it arrived at precisely the right moment. This pause afforded me the opportunity to contemplate the purpose of my visit here and revisit the goals I had set for myself. You may recall my commitment to dedicating time to self-discovery and sharing insights and methods used. If not now, in this very moment, then when is a better time to embark on this journey of introspection?
Self-discovery is an expansive concept, often leaving us uncertain about where to commence and when to conclude our explorations. That’s precisely how my journey into self-discovery began – blurry, filled with confusion, and lacking a clear plan. I now acknowledge that mastery in this area comes through persistent practice. The answer to successfully navigating self-inspection, my friend, is akin to eating an elephant: one bite at a time.
Initially, I found myself overwhelmed, grappling with the chaos of not knowing where to commence my self-discovery journey. However, a realization gradually emerged – I had a valuable mentor in the form of Johnny Moleleki. Johnny, one of the directors at OBS, had been a constant support during the turbulent weeks at work. His unwavering approach to tackling one issue at a time had served him well throughout his career. He often emphasized the importance of “Step Zero,” as he fondly referred to it. Johnny’s wisdom resonated with me; he questioned why we should ponder steps 1, 2, and 3 when “Step Zero” hadn’t even been addressed. It was a reminder that plans are meaningful only when rooted in purpose.
And so, I embarked on reaching ‘Step Zero,’ the starting point of my self-inspection journey, and for me, it meant I needed to breathe. Mandi, our loyal canine companions, and I arrived at TerraLuna, brimming with anticipation. Our mission was to rejuvenate our own little piece of paradise. I intended to undertake this alongside my regular work commitments, which were already pushing the limits of what one could endure. In addition to the daily grind, I aspired to find myself anew and strengthen my connection with Mandi. To some, this plan might have seemed heretical. However, in the hustle and bustle of life, even I, the Lizzardking, had trouble finding the time to simply watch a sunset. Yet, the magic of the bush, with its hidden wonders, held the promise of something extraordinary.
The moment we set foot on TerraLuna, the remnants of the city’s hustle and bustle continued to churn in my mind, leading to a few minor disagreements. However, when that first enchanting sunset painted the horizon, and the distant call of the Jackal carried on the wind, the cacophony of city life faded into oblivion. Even my concerns about whether Andreas missed me vanished with the sun’s last embrace of our veld. It was then that the first breath of life surged through me once more. You see, I come alive in the bush, a fact known to those who are close to me. Give me a crackling fire at night, a sky adorned with shimmering stars, and mornings where I awaken before the neighbouring chickens start their chorus, and you’ll find a man grinning from ear to ear. When life challenges me with a lack of basic necessities like running water, electricity, or even a refreshing cool drink to combat the heat, you witness a man truly in his element. But I digress, and I believe you understand the essence of it all – I find my peace in the bush. In that tranquillity, I discover the serenity to breathe, and with every breath, I take a step forward, or perhaps, take a bite out of that metaphorical elephant…
Time for a breath check. What’s the next step? Self-discovery! Wait, didn’t we just discuss that? Indeed, but as we’ve learned, it’s about taking smaller, manageable bites. So, here’s where I began. I needed to identify specific areas for inspection, not in any formal or rigid manner, but rather as a collection of smaller, digestible topics to monitor during my time here. At the forefront was my work-life balance – a critical aspect that had a ripple effect on all my relationships, including my relationship with myself. It was essential to address this as ‘Step Zero,’ and I’ll delve into this shortly. Additionally, I set my sights on the other significant areas of my life – my relationships and how I aimed to enhance them. In alignment with Stoic principles, I recognized the hierarchical order: self, family, then friends.
“But what about ‘Step Zero?” I can almost hear Johnny’s voice echoing in my thoughts. It’s reminiscent of an old mirror in my grandfather’s house, adorned with the motto of Johnny Walker, “Keep on walking.” Just as in that reflection, the message is clear: Keep moving forward, but never forget to check ‘Step Zero.’
Upon our arrival, I took the opportunity to settle in during the weekend before work’s inevitable return and the accompanying chaos. I intentionally delegated the early morning work checks, particularly during this high-alert World Cup period. It was a conscious decision, allowing me to carve out a moment of relaxation. In doing so, I recognized the importance of practicing what I preach. It was clear that I should actively empower my team members to assume their responsibilities, fostering accountability and providing them the recognition they rightfully deserved for their tireless efforts. These teams had grown alongside me for nearly 12 years, and the foundation of mutual trust and support we had built needed to be revisited and cultivated to reach new heights. This marked my acknowledgment of ‘Step Zero.’ I came to the realization that I had been shouldering an increasing burden of behind-the-scenes politics and the constant drive to protect and expand the business. In doing so, I had inadvertently suppressed the team’s innate strength and potential. Upon my return next week, I intend to sit down with my team leaders and functional area heads, working collectively to empower them to flourish in their careers. By doing this, I would not only free up some time for myself but also create the necessary balance within the broader scope of my extended “work” life. The resultant outcome, of course, was a deeper understanding of my time management, or lack thereof…
I’ve made a deliberate choice to dedicate the upcoming week to a new schedule, an experiment in living according to Stoic principles. My aim is to gain a deeper understanding of myself, exert a positive influence by empowering my team, and assess the impact of a structured yet evolving lifestyle on both my personal growth and that of my loved ones. I’ve devised a straightforward three-day structure. The first day encompasses weekdays, followed by Saturdays and Sundays, each with its distinct roles, responsibilities, and opportunities meticulously planned on a half-hourly basis. In addition to sharing the schedule below, I will also provide feedback on the progress made and any significant revelations uncovered during this transformative period in some follow-up posts.
As I reflect on my time here at TerraLuna, I recognize that the moments I almost took for granted have yielded a modest yet meaningful level of self-discovery. I’ve also begun to lay the foundation for this new journey, which I hope will become an enduring chapter in my life’s narrative. It’s a story still in progress, much like an unfinished movie, but with the potential to be a blockbuster.
Did you have a good world when you died, enough to base a movie on?
Jim Morrison
My hope for you and yours is that through these self-discovery and revelations, I get to give you a glimpse of the normalcy of our daily struggles. I wish that I will share moments of chaos and analysis, planning, and hopeful execution, in order for you my dear reader and friends, to rediscover the opportunities presented in finding your own way through. I hope finally that the reflections given to you here, are of close enough quarters to your own daily struggles, for you to associate and even draw strength and motivation from. My mess is your mess, as the song says.
Amor Fati
