It was an ordinary day at my company of employment when my life took an unexpected turn. With 26 years of experience in the IT industry, I had seen my fair share of challenges, but nothing prepared me for what happened next. I was sent a shocking mail on the 16th of May, 2024. The mail informed me that I was being dismissed, effective immediately. The reasons they provided were vague and unfounded, and after my failed attempts at communication about their promised promotion to an executive level, it became clear that this was a ploy to get rid of me. The laughable hearing they held prior was all but part of the ruse, and the fight for retribution has firmly and strongly started. Allow me to conclude until I reveal any further, and potentially damage any due recourse that they deserve.
As I gathered my thoughts, a mix of anger, confusion, and betrayal welled up inside me. It felt as if the ground had been ripped from beneath my feet. I feel these so often these days, especially after this news broke, and regardless of my tenacious attitude to life, and unyielding character of strength I seem to portray, the situation I find myself in is as close to as untenable as I have ever come.
Close to breaking point…
I tear up, I break down, I scream at loved ones, and I suffer silent withdrawals from everyone I hoped to be rock solid. My kids are at breaking point, and both have now resolved to stay with their mom for a “break.” My Queen is all but broken herself, having been retrenched by these evil doers on the same day, with the intent to cause intolerable harm, and so far, successfully achieving it. To top it off, we are struggling with a bout of flu to sweeten the deal, and in the midst of this chaos, my ADHD is running at a thousand miles a second.
The desperation of all these hard failures in my experience is exasperated by the fact that I simultaneously started a project with my Queen; with a vision of an eco-farming intentional community on TerraLuna, and the pressures of balancing the communications required for “Community” vs. the battles of resolving internal, family, and lovers strife, and a little bit of survival as well, at this train wreck of a time, is disparaging at best.
My immediate urge was to fight back, to prove the injustice of my dismissal. To scream and shout, to ensure everyone and sundry knew the evil that is around us all, and specifically at arm’s length of myself. I obviously indulged in a bit of this, and still, when in my quiet corner, all alone in the middle of the night, or now, through my writer’s pen, attempt to give it the air it requires. As an FYI, this does not help anyone, and may in fact be part of my continued current anxiety. Wisdom always comes after the lesson…
But the actual fightback must wait, and the results I leave in the balance of the dismal nature of the system we find ourselves in, since my belief in capitalism has all but turned to, it might indeed be the actual face of the anti-Christ, if you are that way inclined. My fight is laid up for the first bare knuckles to be revealed this Friday coming at the CCMA; Surely as you can imagine, leaving me with ample opportunities of relaxation to absorb it all, and recover enough for a fair fight.
I struggled and struggle at present, and the light at the end of the tunnel increasingly looks like the train, but alas, it is not in my spirit to give up.
So in the words of the great philosopher, Lil Sis Nora: “Fuck that little mouse cause I’m an Albatros!”
Instead of dwelling on the injustices and current disaster I call life, I choose to focus on the next steps. As there are many, I will need several cloud-based storage plans (not currently in budget) to attempt a written word of all. So, I chose a hopefully more pragmatic attack, and since this very method has served me successfully in the past, allow me a moment of your time to share: a Stoic journey through a fuckup, the philosophical approach.
Embracing Stoicism in Times of Turmoil
Stoicism, the ancient philosophy founded in Athens by Zeno of Citium, teaches the development of self-control and fortitude as a means to overcome destructive emotions. It’s a philosophy designed for the reality of human existence, emphasizing rationality and virtue as the path to a good life.
Acceptance of Fate (Amor Fati)
The Stoics advocate for “Amor Fati,” a love of one’s fate. This means accepting whatever happens in life, good or bad, as necessary events that contribute to our growth and understanding. My sudden dismissal, as unjust as it seems, is a part of my life’s journey. By embracing it rather than resisting it, I can find the strength to move forward and learn from this experience.
Focus on What You Can Control
One of the core teachings of Stoicism is to differentiate between what is within our control and what is not. My dismissal, my Queen’s retrenchment, and the subsequent chaos are events beyond my control. What I can control, however, is my response to these events. By focusing on my actions, my thoughts, and my decisions, I regain a sense of power and direction.
Practicing Virtue
The Stoics believed that virtue—comprising wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance—is the highest good. In the face of adversity, I strive to uphold these virtues. I seek wisdom in understanding the situation and planning my next steps, courage in facing the challenges head-on, justice in pursuing a fair resolution, and temperance in managing my emotions and reactions.
Mindfulness and Presence
Stoicism encourages mindfulness, being fully present in the moment without letting past regrets or future anxieties dominate our thoughts. In the midst of this turmoil, I practice mindfulness, finding solace in the present moment and focusing on the tasks at hand rather than being overwhelmed by the enormity of the situation.
Moving Forward
With these Stoic principles as my guide, I am determined to navigate this difficult period with resilience and grace. The journey ahead is uncertain, but by embracing my fate, focusing on what I can control, practicing virtue, and remaining mindful, I will find a way through this storm.
My story is far from over. The injustices I have faced are but a chapter in a much larger narrative. And as I continue to build TerraLuna with my Queen, I draw strength from the knowledge that this vision, rooted in community and sustainability, is worth fighting for.
This is my path, my journey, and with the spirit of Stoicism, I will walk it with unwavering determination.
“Darkness, imprisoning me; all that I see, absolute horror. I cannot live, I cannot die, trapped in myself, body my holding cell.” ~ Metallica, and Justice for all, One
Amor Fati
